Settling In

I’m back in that weird place again.  Just when I thought I was turning another corner, there’s a new roadblock in my way.  I’ve been feeling A’s loss again rather profoundly the past week or so, despite having a bit of a respite for awhile.  Although his absence is always felt, it seems that it […]

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The Life That Swallowed Grief

Recently, I came across a photo online, one I have seen before but which took on a whole new meaning to me when I saw it this time.  Sometimes referred to as the “tree that ate a bicycle”, the image shows a tree on Washington’s Vashon Island that seems to envelop a long-forgotten bike. The […]

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500 Days

Today marks Day 500 since I lost A.  Lost him.  Such a stupid phrase, when it feels more that he was ripped from our lives, his passing leaving jagged scars and empty spaces in our lives. 500 days.  That’s almost long enough to carry two babies to term.  It’s more than two-and-a half school years.  […]

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Naked Truth

I looked at myself naked in my bathroom mirror the other day. Really looked at myself. And, in some ways, it’s as if I’m seeing myself for the very first time. Have my boobs always looked like that, or have even they changed since A’s death?  They just look different to me somehow.  Are they […]

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Two Truths and a Lie (Or The Non-Hitchless Wedding)

My daughter got married this weekend.  Everything went off without a hitch.  It was absolutely beautiful!  Just kidding.  There were hitches nearly everywhere!  That was my lie. But in the end, the wedding was absolutely beautiful.  I’d like to say it was a bright, sunny day, but it was more overcast than anything, although that […]

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Dear A, I Miss You

Dear A: Today marks 15 months since you left.  I know you didn’t leave the kids and me because you wanted to, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier on us all. Yes, I’ve gotten better.  We all have.  We’re learning how to wander around the empty space in our lives that your leaving […]

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Childlike Behavior

I spent this past holiday weekend at my oldest daughter’s apartment two hours from home spending time with her and her fiancé, going over some last minute wedding details, and trying to add at least a little bit of color to this pathetically pale Floridian. So one day, while my daughter was working and my […]

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