Becoming a Widow…
Makes you feel like an outsider
Like being the one black crayon in a world full of brightly colored markers.
Makes you feel incompetent
Like trying to eat rice with one chopstick from a spinning plate.
Makes you feel powerless
Like being blindfolded and placed backwards on a roller coaster. Drunk.
Makes you feel ill-equipped
Like assembling a puzzle that doesn’t have all the pieces, and someone has flipped it over to the plain, tan side and thrown in some pieces from another, different puzzle just for kicks.
Makes you feel defeated
Like placing your roulette marker on red, when the wheel has only black pockets. And then wondering why you just can’t seem to win.
Makes you feel lost and confused
Like being caught in a house of mirrors where everything is distorted and unfamiliar, and there is no exit.
Makes you feel panicked
Waking every day from what you think is your worst nightmare only to find that this is now your reality.
Makes you feel weak
As if the very air you walk through is made of Jello and you slog through the day in slow motion.
Obviously some days are worse than others, and as time passes there are more happy moments – sometimes for days on end – but then the sadness and despair can return seemingly out of nowhere, casting a dark shadow over everything.
Bottom line is that there really is no understanding widowhood. There is only surviving it, overcoming it, and maybe becoming all the stronger for it. Here’s hoping…
© 2018 Many Faces of Cheri G All Rights Reserved