Pardon the Mess

If this is your first visit here, welcome to my crazy.  If you are returning, thank you.  In either case, please share this site with someone who may find some comfort from one who has been there. After the sudden death of my 50 y.o. high-school sweetheart husband from undiagnosed heart disease, I became an […]

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Crazy Train

I’ve spoken recently about how odd it feels loving two men.  It’s as if I’m straddling an invisible line between the present and the past.  The stronger my feelings grow for S, the sharper my present (and my future) become, while my past takes on a softer glow, losing definition around the edges. I recently […]

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This Is Me

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how easily it is to be misjudged.  It’s something I’ve considered often in the past, mainly at a point in my life when I, myself, have been underestimated or presumed to be someone or something I’m not based solely on my appearance or limited interaction with another person. […]

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Loving Two Men

At some point after losing A, when I had begun to consider the possibility of dating again, I started to listen to the stories of others who had traveled that path before me. Some called their next loves their “chapter 2”, but that phrase never sat well with me.  To me, a Chapter 2 would […]

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Deep Impact

My past and present collided this week. Perhaps “collided” is too strong a word, because it implies force or an impact. When I think of a collision, I see destruction and violence. What happened to me wasn’t violent or destructive, but no less powerful. This is a rough time of year for me. Of course […]

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Stuck in the Middle

I’m typing this with only one completely functioning hand, so it’s slower going than usual.  You see, I got myself into a bit of a sticky situation a few nights ago and ended up in the emergency room.  Alone. The friends I’m staying with left for their first real vacation (well…mini vacation) in years.  One […]

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Leaving the Harbor

Awhile back, I wrote about perception. Before that, I had explored the concept of “love goggles“. Recently, I went off island (I’m starting to sound more like a native already, aren’t I?) to attend a wedding of a dear, old friend to a dear new one, and found myself pondering both of these subjects again. […]

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Journey of a Thousand Miles

So, it’s been a few weeks since I packed my car and drove 1,000+ miles to do some more healing, and to rediscover who I am on my own with my husband’s urn and the teddy bear my children gave me last Mother’s Day buckled in the passenger seat. Perhaps it’s actually discovery, rather than rediscovery, […]

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