Pardon the Mess

If this is your first visit here, welcome to my crazy.  If you are returning, thank you.  In either case, please share this site with someone who may find some comfort from one who has been there. After the sudden death of my 50 y.o. high-school sweetheart husband from undiagnosed heart disease, I became an […]

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The Life That Swallowed Grief

Recently, I came across a photo online, one I have seen before but which took on a whole new meaning to me when I saw it this time.  Sometimes referred to as the “tree that ate a bicycle”, the image shows a tree on Washington’s Vashon Island that seems to envelop a long-forgotten bike. The […]

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Riders of the Storm

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock (or are still deeply entrenched in widow’s fog – in which case I completely understand), you’ve likely seen the reports of Hurricane Irma and the devastation she has already left behind and is still causing in the Caribbean as of this posting. This whole “Irmageddon” thing is making […]

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500 Days

Today marks Day 500 since I lost A.  Lost him.  Such a stupid phrase, when it feels more that he was ripped from our lives, his passing leaving jagged scars and empty spaces in our lives. 500 days.  That’s almost long enough to carry two babies to term.  It’s more than two-and-a half school years.  […]

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Leprechauns, Lobstah Rolls and Laughter

I recently traveled to Maine for an annual girl’s weekend that has been happening since 1984, I believe.  What initially began as my grandmother, aunts, and some friends deciding that a weekend at the beach was just what the doctor ordered, it has morphed into what can only be considered a fairly significant event involving […]

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Naked Truth

I looked at myself naked in my bathroom mirror the other day. Really looked at myself. And, in some ways, it’s as if I’m seeing myself for the very first time. Have my boobs always looked like that, or have even they changed since A’s death?  They just look different to me somehow.  Are they […]

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Two Truths and a Lie (Or The Non-Hitchless Wedding)

My daughter got married this weekend.  Everything went off without a hitch.  It was absolutely beautiful!  Just kidding.  There were hitches nearly everywhere!  That was my lie. But in the end, the wedding was absolutely beautiful.  I’d like to say it was a bright, sunny day, but it was more overcast than anything, although that […]

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Dear A, I Miss You

Dear A: Today marks 15 months since you left.  I know you didn’t leave the kids and me because you wanted to, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier on us all. Yes, I’ve gotten better.  We all have.  We’re learning how to wander around the empty space in our lives that your leaving […]

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