Keeper of the Memories

Even 3-1/2 years out, I’m discovering things about grief and loss and how my life has changed. A was the Keeper of the Memories.  I believe every family has one; the lucky families have more than one.  His memory was almost too good, as he sometimes remembered details so vividly, he would relive the moments […]

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Empty and Fulfilled

The other day I did a thing. It was something that hadn’t even really been on my radar as potentially emotional or difficult. Yet, it turned out to be both, which ultimately threw me a curveball. After much internal debate and occasional discussion with S, we came to the decision that it was time to […]

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Front Row Seat

In case you don’t know (although I’m fairly certain most of you probably do) Facebook has an “On This Day” function, which basically shows you photos and updates that you’ve posted in previous years on a particular date. Since A passed, this has been one of the things I look forward to most each day. […]

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Shadows of the Past

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written anything.  It feels as though I’m letting you all down, but my writing just seems to have become redundant: “I thought about A today and it made me sad, but I’m choosing to not let it get me too down. The End” Honestly, that’s my daily life […]

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Settling In

I’m back in that weird place again.  Just when I thought I was turning another corner, there’s a new roadblock in my way.  I’ve been feeling A’s loss again rather profoundly the past week or so, despite having a bit of a respite for awhile.  Although his absence is always felt, it seems that it […]

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Dear A, I Miss You

Dear A: Today marks 15 months since you left.  I know you didn’t leave the kids and me because you wanted to, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier on us all. Yes, I’ve gotten better.  We all have.  We’re learning how to wander around the empty space in our lives that your leaving […]

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Fighting for Love

A random string of memories popped up today, and not exactly the “best” ones.   I’m not entirely sure why they decided to rear their heads, although possibly, they may have come from hearing Leona Lewis’ Bleeding Love and specifically the lyrics: “Trying hard not to hear, but they talk so loud.   Their piercing sounds […]

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