Lean on Me

My uncle is having open heart surgery today. This is my father’s younger brother and the father of my cousin / maid of honor / honorary nose wiper. Yes, I mean that cousin, the same one who dropped everything and hopped a flight to be by my side when A was in the hospital, despite the…

Stormy Season

Let me preface this post by saying that things are definitely getting “better” in my life.  I feel more like my former self all the time.  I know I’m healing, but don’t believe I can ever get to a point where I can say I’m “healed”. That being said, I have definitely felt a change…

My Funny Valentine

As you can imagine, today is tough already, and it has barely even started. I write this at just past midnight after tossing and turning for the past hour.  I had fallen asleep early, turning off the lamp and dozing off before 9, but woke suddenly just after 11 (11:11 to be precise, which has…

Grief is a Bully

I sometimes (often?) have arguments with the ghost of my husband.  Perhaps argument is too strong a word, and quite likely it isn’t really him or his ghost, but simply my own delusional mind still trying to make sense of everything. These disagreements are rarely about anything important, but isn’t that the way most marriages…

Grounded

This morning, I finally pushed myself enough to take a walk.  Not walking the dog around the neighborhood, not with my camera in hand, not with anyone or for any real purpose except to move. Perhaps I decided my message about my walking shoes needed to be a more literal one. A and I used…

My Walking Shoes

This is my first post of the new year.  So far, it has been relatively uneventful in either direction.  I’ve been somewhat weepier than I had been for awhile and I’m not sure if it’s a byproduct of trying to stay strong through the holidays until my tank got too full, or if it has…