Dear A, I Miss You

Dear A: Today marks 15 months since you left.  I know you didn’t leave the kids and me because you wanted to, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier on us all. Yes, I’ve gotten better.  We all have.  We’re learning how to wander around the empty space in our lives that your leaving […]

Read More

Ain’t No Sunshine…

Yes.  I sometimes speak of my husband in the present tense.  Often, in fact.  And generally, I don’t even think about it being “wrong” until after the words pass my lips.  Then I have this hyperspeed conversation with myself, essentially going back and forth about what I said, why I said it, who I said […]

Read More

Fighting for Love

A random string of memories popped up today, and not exactly the “best” ones.   I’m not entirely sure why they decided to rear their heads, although possibly, they may have come from hearing Leona Lewis’ Bleeding Love and specifically the lyrics: “Trying hard not to hear, but they talk so loud.   Their piercing sounds […]

Read More

My New Sleeping Partner

This Mother’s Day seemed hard, as were the days leading up to it.  Harder than last year, when I think I was still very deep in the numbness following A’s death.  In the initial hours, days and weeks of losing a loved one, there is a sort of blanket of despair that, while heavy and […]

Read More

Lean on Me

My uncle is having open heart surgery today. This is my father’s younger brother and the father of my cousin / maid of honor / honorary nose wiper. Yes, I mean that cousin, the same one who dropped everything and hopped a flight to be by my side when A was in the hospital, despite the […]

Read More

Stormy Season

Let me preface this post by saying that things are definitely getting “better” in my life.  I feel more like my former self all the time.  I know I’m healing, but don’t believe I can ever get to a point where I can say I’m “healed”. That being said, I have definitely felt a change […]

Read More

My Funny Valentine

As you can imagine, today is tough already, and it has barely even started. I write this at just past midnight after tossing and turning for the past hour.  I had fallen asleep early, turning off the lamp and dozing off before 9, but woke suddenly just after 11 (11:11 to be precise, which has […]

Read More